Warning: Completely Open and Semi-Sexual Story About to Unfold

WOOHOO!  Here’s to not hiding anything and just sharing awesome life experiences regardless of how personal they might be.  If you don’t want to read anything that might be about sexual thoughts or actions or funny awesome synchronistic events in the universe, then you can probably stop reading now, and just know that regardless…you’re totally abundant!  And, perhaps more importantly, God loves you and there is nothing you can do about it!!!

Anyway, storytime!  Complete vulnerability and skeletons in the closet being revealed.

Are you sure you want to keep reading this?  It gets a little personal.  Or maybe even…a lot of personal!

Okay…here it goes.  We’ll start with some key words.

Celibacy?  Lubricant?  Masturbation?  Nocturnal emissions?

One of my dad’s favorite questions to ask me on the phone is, “How are the nocturnal emissions?”  Yeah, it’s fun.  Not masturbating or having sex can cause some nighttime explosions from time to time, but it’s all good.  Life happens beautifully 🙂

Celibacy is choice found amongst some yogis, and there are even certain yogic postures to practice daily to help restrain the sexual urge and else prevent nocturnal emissions.  For better or for worse (Really…for the Highest Good!!), I did not practice said postures yesterday.  Around 7 AM I woke up and things were…well…you can figure it out.

Fast forward 7 hours later and I’m making some voice recordings about the value of human accountability and some other abundantly awesome topics to think and talk about.  (Just briefly…imagine if you lived your entire life like a 5 year old child, your 5 year old child, was always watching you, seeking to learn how to live based on your example.  Do you think that might lift up to a much higher standard of living?  Or, as Thomas Jefferson said, “Act as if the whole world is watching.”  Wow, that’s some intense accountability!  So much for watching TV, doing drugs, masturbating, eating garbage, moping around, etc…if the whole world is watching you best believe I’m going to smile my cheeks off and do my best to serve the Highest Good of All, setting a healthy, happy, holy, generous, joyous, compassionate, example.  That’s a tall order…but hey…the whole world is watching!  Imagine the potential to lead by example and inspire a wonderful way of being.)

So there I am recording about human accountability, and then I finish.  I stop and notice that I’m feeling fairly sexually aroused, which seems to be normal after nights when those nocturnal emissions mysteriously happen.  Relaxing on the couch, I’m seriously considering breaking this long streak of celibacy I’ve had going and performing that strange peculiar act of masturbation.  Sure enough, right as I’m having this thought (and actually that thought was coupled with the potential of going to the store to harvest an abundance of raisins and/or bananas or whatever other abundances were favorable) who else shows up at the door than the Guru himself!  Nothing like some human accountability to lift oneself out of more selfishly minded, “More! More! More!” type American-consumerist thinking.

Gurdeep Guru knocked on the door as I was contemplating the two distantly connected potentialities of masturbating and shopping and sure enough he helped me realize the absurdity.  Hallelujah for the Guru!

Because his timing was totally synchronistic and clearly of Guru-quality, It felt only natural to open up to him and share with him the thought-stream that running through.  I had to affirm his Guru status!  But actually I didn’t affirm his Guru status until after he told me that he had to take a friend to the airport, thus eliminating the possibility of using his car to go to the store, so there’s one success for the Guru already!  And then I went on to share with him how for the first time in a while I’d been thinking about masturbating.  With that, he walked over to a drawer in the kitchen, just opened it to look around, and pulled out a bottle.  He said, “Has this always been here?”  I responded, “I don’t know.  What is it?”

“It says it’s some kind of lube.”

What?!?  Neither him nor I knew there was lube in the drawer and sure enough it just happens to appear during this stream of consciousness.  And who knows…maybe he did know it was there…but either way the Guru placed my thoughts and actions in perspective.

As much as I was entertaining the possibility of masturbating after he left, the lube helped me realize the silliness of the whole activity and….yea.  Hard to say what exactly about the awareness of the lube completely destroyed any sexual appetite…but it did.  And Hallelujah!  Because really, sure sex makes sense and none would exist without it, but masturbation?  That doesn’t make too much sense!  Especially when you might be spending money to be a lubricant to help you do it, when that same money could be used to be bananas or other delicious fruits and vegetables?  Even oats, I mean…Oats > lubricant all day.  At least, for me 🙂

Oh right!  One last lesson the Guru helped me learn.  Well, so much has Gurdeep taught that it is likely worthy of a book…and this is a blog post for now.  Alas – preferences!

The Buddha said desire is the cause of all suffering.  Meanwhile, Ken Keyes in his Handbook to Higher Consciousness writes about elevating desires to preferences, so instead of desiring something you merely prefer it. That way, whether your preferences is fulfilled or not doesn’t really affect you, because it’s just a preference.  You’re detached either way and always open to go with the flow.

So this preferring and detaching was part of the reasoning I was using to decide to masturbate instead of stick with the celibacy – after all, who am I say to say either way?  As much as I prefer celibacy for now, no telling what the moment might stir, right?  Situational ethics have become more of a thing in my life recently – embracing the idea that it’s all contextual.  Given a particular context, there might be a whole variety of ‘right’ options that would appear totally ‘wrong’ in another context.  Embracing situational ethics means detaching from dogma and doctrine and accepting humility and “knowing nothing” like Socrates.  This is super liberating and empowering.  Instead of dogmatically proclaiming “I’m vegan” or “I’m celibate” or even “I’m straight,” with situational ethics and realizing life is totally contextual you can go with the flow and prefer vegan foods and celibacy and heterosexuality…but ultimately…who really knows???  Context can be crazy.

As much as I was allowing reason of situational ethics to lead me to the decision of masturbating, the presence of the Guru ultimately helped know myself more and reconnect with core values and long-term vision.  To all this and more, Hallelujah!

Life is contextual.  Ethics can certainly be situational.  And yet, that doesn’t mean you have to let go of all your ethics and that no ethical behaviors apply in all contexts for a particular individual.  We all have the right and freedom to root down in whatever ethical behaviors and guidelines are good.  We also have the right and freedom to release them at any time, to adapt, adjust, and change and grow given the situation and given our context.  And, we also have the right and freedom to hold certain ethical decisions given any context.  It’s really whatever floats your boat 🙂




5 thoughts on “Warning: Completely Open and Semi-Sexual Story About to Unfold

  1. My dear friend, I greatly commend you and admire you because you are becoming very holy (but don’t believe it too much lest you become narcissistic and conceited). However, I must warn you against moral relativism. Moral norms are contextual (and in this you are right); morality is not (I perceive a certain confusion here on your part). If you understand ethics as simply the contextual application of moral principles, then ethics can be changing and relative. But ethical norms ought to be judged always against the universal moral values, which are permanent and immutable, intrinsically inscribed in human nature. There are many examples: love, sacrifice and joy are always morally good; hate, selfishness and bitterness, although ontologically good (because all creation is ontologically good), are always morally bad, and can never be tolerated under any circumstance. Peace 🙂

    • Well Hallelujah! Thanks for helping me understand JP 🙂 Of course I still don’t fully understand but thanks to you the journey continues! And if by chance you want to expand upon the idea that “all creation is ontologically good” that would be abundantly received as well 🙂 In either and all cases, so grateful for you friend!

      • All creation is ontologically good, Brad, just for the fact of “being”, “existing”. The worst murderer in the world is ontologically good: marvelous body, with great tissue, a great capacity of reasoning and speculating, therefore awesome brain, etc. However, he is morally bad, or at least he will be while he still has his murderous intentions.
        Happy Sunday 🙂

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