Warning: Life Lessons from Bathroom Experiences…aka Pooping

I’ve been playing around in a dream world for the past 20ish days or so, and in this dream I find that whatever I’m aware, particularly that which excites me or scares me, is relevant to future events.

The other night, for the first time in a long, long time, I watched a movie.  I know, crazy right?  Staring at a 2-dimensional screen when I can move around in 3-dimensional is a bit of a ridiculous decision, but the nonetheless someone who I occasionally consider to be an angel gave me the DVD to watch…so who am I to disobey an angel?

The movie was Dogma, and it was totally perfect.  Many wonderful moments and lessons from the movie, however one in particular stands out and directly applied to some events that shortly thereafter occurred in reality.

If you’ve seen the movie, perhaps you’re familiar with the gigantic poop monster demon guy that floods out of a toilet.  That guy scared me.

And why did he scare me?  Well… here comes the personal part…so read on at your own discretion, and feel free to judge away because it’s all just or fun anyway 😉

Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been leaving colossal amounts of excrement in the toilet bowl.   For many of this bombings of the white porcelain receptacle, I entertain the idea of flushing halfway through just to be sure that it does flush.  Because really, these have been some big poops!  And why they’ve been such monstrous droppings is a whole other story…perhaps it has to do with a bit of intermittent fasting and an abundance of dried fruit, but who really knows.  Anyway…

Amidst  the abundance of doo-doos the thought is usually there to flush halfway through.  Yet, I have yet do such a thing.  Instead, I think part of me, the more egoic part perhaps, really wants to experience the thrill of releasing a poo so gargantuan that the toilet cannot send it through the pipes.  So big poo after big poo, they continue to flush.  Until the poo that came after experiencing Dogma and the Poop Demon…

The day after Dogma, I prepare to drop the usual abundance of brown matter into the generous white bowl.  Things go smoothly at first and soon enough there’s a mountain like Everest in the toilet.  I go for the flush, but the flush doesn’t go for me.  The bowl fills up with water and all of the abundance sits there in peace.

Finally, I had succeeded in manifesting a movement so massive that the great powers of plumbing and gravity and water could not even take it down.  So, briefly, the ego smiled and I was one proud pooper.

Resolving the issue was not as fun as creating it.  And perhaps some of the details of this experience are even too graphic for text, then again it’s ultimately just really funny and it all happened in the past so what’s the difference anyway? 🙂

My first attempts to unclog the toilet involved using a empty peanut butter jar to scoop some of the water out of the clogged toilet and transfer it over to another nearby.  I did for about three flushes before deciding that this method wasn’t doing much other than providing me an opportunity to practice zen while playing in the world of poop.  The zen saying goes, “Chopping wood, carrying water,” so I’m pretty sure I was in the ballpark with scooping poop water and flushing toilets.

I eventually found a plunger, but that too failed against conquering Everest.  More oxygen was needed.

Now here’s where it got pretty intense…and heinz site I’m site so glad it happened, because now I’ll likely never experience it again and am probably all the better for it.

The idea popped to mind that if I poured some really hot water down the toilet that might help to break up some of the fecal particles and allow the matter to flow through the pipes.  After boiling what was close to a gallon of water, I poured it in the toilet, and…

Poop steam!!!  There I was taking a steam bath scented with a fragrance that only shortly before was expelled from this physical body.  Few things I’ve experienced have been funnier than inhaling a bunch of fecal-matter-scented steam.  Poop particles up the nose and in the eyes and mouth…hooray!  And somehow I’m still alive, Hallelujah 🙂

As genius as the boiling water might have been, and as much fun as I had inhaling the poop steam, the toilet refused to properly flush.  At this point, it as getting close to noon and I was planning to meet a professor as well as attend a class, so I had to progress on.  I decided to fill the bowl back up with water and let it sit.  Sure enough, within just a few minutes of allowing the water to sit, just letting it be there, the laws of nature conquered the human-made poop, gravity did its things, and all went through the pipes and it’s as if none of it ever happened, aside from the tainted peanut butter jar.

So what’s the lesson?

Flow like water.  The Tao says water is the most powerful force on earth.  And how does water move?  Effortlessly.  In completely harmony.

And there I was, for close to an hour, putting in all sorts of effort to try and resolve this issue, when really if I had just let go and let things be, water would have flowed and fixed everything in perfect time.  Yet I kept doing, doing, doing, thinking and doing, determined that through my labor and effort I could solve a problem that was much greater than myself and really was a problem having to do with the laws of nature.

When toilets clog, that’s a result of universal law.  Just like when they flush, it’s universal law.  How could human effort affect it would one way or another?  Of course, if I had trusted the generous impulse and the desire to do good instead of entertain the ego, human effort could have led me to flushing half way through instead of continuing extracting the abundance just to see if maybe I could make it not flush.  Sure enough, if you can imagine something in your mind, you can definitely manifest in reality, so imagining a toilet not flushing is not all that hard to manifest, and thankfully no part of me has any desire to manifest that scenario again.  Once is enough.    No more poop steam baths for me.

Oddly enough, I feel like there are actually a ton of lessons to learn from this pooping experience, as pooping, like anything, can be a complete metaphor for life.

Why are we here if not to heal and purify ourselves?  And what more is pooping than one of the awesome magic tricks and purification processes of the body?  Put it in orange apricots and yellow bananas and green avocados and you get out brown condensed balls of poop??? How the heck does that work?  Miracle!

So much intelligence in these bodies working without our conscious knowledge or control.  Amazing!

For now, flush half way through.  Commit to completing the act, if you’re feeling in the zone, yet remember you can always flush, clear the channels, and continue.  There’s no need to do it all at once.  Take your time.  Respect the laws and your understanding of how things work.  Embrace the purification process, yet do it consciously.  Trust in nature to do it’s thing and try and be a bit more like water.  Let go and flow 🙂



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