Note: this article is written from personal experience of success, for this little human pet did indeed succeed at ‘attracting’ its ideal partner. Of course, all Power and Glory is God’s!
- Accept that like attracts like. You will not attract anything into your life which is not already present in you. To attract a loving partner requires that you are loving. Real attraction happens on the unseen, subtle level. What attracts are qualities and values.
- Be clear on the ideal qualities and values of the person you are seeking to attract into your life.
- Start cultivating those qualities and values within yourself. If you want someone who enjoys serving the homeless, go and enjoy serving the homeless. If you want someone who takes exceptional care of their physical body and exercises 7 days a week, you do the same. If you want someone who is cheerful and happy all the time, cultivate that happiness within yourself.
In many ways, when we think we’re looking for a partner, what we’re really looking for is a higher motivation for us to be our very best. It is challenging for us to live up to our highest ideal if we don’t have anything to look forward to once we get there. So, sharing the energy of that higher ideal with another who is already there can serve as a great motivator to get there.
Now then, to the tale of the personal experience!
The process of attracting my ideal partner began when…
- I decided to give up seeking to attract such a partner. I accepted that the most important relationship in life, and the only real relationship, is with God, the Self, or you could call it the Present, the All. Individual relationships simply reflect our relationship with the whole. Steve Pavlina first shared this idea with me and then I confirmed it by direct experience. Using the language of abundance, life reveals itself to be abundant when we start to acknowledge the abundance already present within our lives and all around us. Same with Love. So, for me, instead of operating with a scarcity mindset of seeking one mere individual partner who I could unconditionally love and who would unconditionally love me, I started practicing unconditional love with all of life in all of its expression. I began affirming, appreciating, and accepting everyone and everything. I saw the good in everything, and this positivity reflected back to me. I felt loved wherever I went, and I loved everywhere I went. Giving and receiving go hand-in-hand; they are not separate. When we give, we receive. Automatically.
- Mentioned above is the foundation of spiritual life and Spiritual Reality. Spiritual life begins when we stop compartmentalizing our love and sharing it with only specific people we might refer to as family or friends. Spiritual Life is about our relationship with Whole, the All, and the great love we might have for our Mother or Father or Spouse or God radiates equally to all of life. When our love is equal and unconditional for all of life, regardless of how it presents itself, that is profound spiritual success.
- So then, I gave up the scarcity of mindset of seeking one individual partner, and instead started loving all of creation equally, understanding it as the One, Comprehensive, Divine Relationship. Everything is God.
- With this feeling of abundance, knowing I didn’t need to protect the love I had to give but I could give it freely to everyone, all kinds of loving relationships were attracted into my life. I made tons of new friends and many female companions presented themselves as viable candidates for a long-term relationship. Yet, at the time, I was so much enjoying the universal loving approach – which also included renouncing worldly activity / accumulation of money – that I postponed advancing any of the relationships. I was also aware that my lifestyle wasn’t conducive to partnering with another, as I was sleeping in a professor’s office and living off of scraps, but boy as I free 🙂
- Eventually, after being highly resourceful and living on the bare minimum for a year or so, it felt appropriate to return to Satchidananda Ashram where I took the yoga teacher training. I moved there with the understanding that I could peacefully live there the rest of this lifetime, also totally open to the possibility of joining the monastic order. Meanwhile, the understanding in the back of my mind was also, “If I were to meet a spiritual partner, this would be the place.” Meeting someone at the ashram is like meeting someone who already jumped through 100 hoops. Living at the ashram is a clear way to express an alignment with certain values, such as simplicity, health, spiritual growth, service, compassion for life, etc.
- After first moving back to the ashram, very quickly I became aware of a woman who seemed both physically attractive and spiritually evolved. A win / win! Of course, I knew that the surest way to scare such a person away is to express direct interest in them (i.e. scarcity mindset). So, instead of focusing on attracting this one single person, I continued the process of practicing universal, unconditional love and focusing on spiritual growth as the greatest service to humanity.
- Nine months passed, and the beautiful being still floated around the ashram, in different service roles than the ones that engaged me, so our paths rarely crossed. At one point, a position to serve as her assistant opened up. Aside from being her assistant, it was a dream job for me because it offered an opportunity to serve with and learn from the presenters that come through the ashram to lead workshops. Of course, I wanted to be sure that internally I remained aligned with service rather than seeking a selfish opportunity to get close to this person. After opening a book for guidance, I turned to a passage titled, “The Best,” an except from the Tao Te Ching. Among other things, it read, “The best do not compete.” I thought, okay, that is that. The position had 12 other candidates who applied for it, so I approached the beautiful being and said, “I would like to withdraw from the applicant pool. I don’t want to compete with anyone.” She was a bit stunned, perhaps a bit sad about my response, and followed up by saying, “You might not be competing with anyone. Filling the position is like looking for a single correct puzzle piece. The puzzle pieces don’t compete with each other – simply one fits and others don’t. You might be the only piece that fits.”
- Okay – so the puzzle piece girl blew my mind. How could I resist such an amazing comparison pulled out on the spot? I accepted the role and served as her assistant for 5 months. Meanwhile, she was in a relationship with another person. At the time, a regular practice of mine was to read Matthew, Book 5-7 in the New Testament (Sermon on the Mount) every day. In those books, it mentions not lusting or coveting your neighbor’s property (something like that). So, above attracting a partner, I valued honoring the spiritual teachings. I served for 5 months without once doing anything that would suggest the relationship was advancing beyond friendship. At the same time, I suspected her relationship with the other person wasn’t going to last, so I patiently waited.
- After 5 months, seeing how she was still occupied with another relationship, and wanting to honor the spiritual truth above any selfish desires, I accepted the opportunity to serve as my nephew’s nanny in NYC. This meant a move away from the ashram and the supposed ideal partner. I did it aligned with the teaching of, “Give to the one who asks of you.” I was asked to serve in that way, so I accepted it.
- When apart, the dear lady and I would occasionally communicate about the ashram and filling the role of her assistant and whatever else. I also took up studying a new book, I am That, which is based on Jnana Yoga, the yoga of self-inquiry. I began to send her a daily inspirational text from the book which she seemed to appreciate. Especially in NYC, I needed all the spiritual support I could get, so the texting relationship we developed served to keep me in good company more than anything else. Of course, it also developed rapport between us. And, seeing that she was sincerely interested in the Jnana Yoga was a definite affirmation for me that this person could certainly be a good match.
- Eventually, she asked me to return to the ashram in August to serve as support staff for the 10 day silent retreat. I accepted, because “Give to the one who asks,” right?
- Prior to returning to the ashram in August, it seemed fitting to visit in July during the 50th anniversary celebration of Swami Satchidananda being in the West. It was a great time, and during that time the two of us went on a walk. She recently ended the relationship with her partner, so she was free! We held hands for a few moments. She asked, “How’s the heart?” I responded with a quote from the Jnana Yoga book, “Happiness dependent on anything is utter misery.” I could feel myself growing attached to the idea of being with this person, and knew that being attached doesn’t feel good internally nor is it attractive externally – so I did everything I could to be totally open, honest, and sincere – to free myself from any selfish desires that arose.
- During the stay at the ashram in July, a friend let me stay with him for free. I asked the friend, “If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.” He responded, “Could you take care of this person until she dies?” Sure enough, surrendering to, “Give to the one who asks,” allowed for the perfect opportunity to move back to the ashram.
- Meanwhile, I was telling the same friend how I felt like I was going a bit crazy over this attraction to this person and not sure what to do about it. I also told him I had a wedding in NYC to attend late August after the Silent Retreat which was back at the ashram. He gave the great idea, “Invite her to the wedding!”
- So, before the two of us formally had any romantic exchange, I invited her to the wedding as a friend and potentially very fun person to be with. Especially with the brief hand holding, I knew the door was open for more of a relationship to develop, and at the very least it would be fun to go and dance with a friend at the wedding – and then who knows – maybe the relationship would develop after the dancing.
- Okay – back to returning to the ashram for the Silent Retreat early August. She asked me to lead the 2 morning guided meditations – a pretty high level spiritual service if you ask me – the type of service you get major karma points for, especially if the participants have a good experience and perhaps are led to a glimpse of the spiritual truth. I spent months gently planning these 2, 50 minute guided meditations schedule to start at 6 AM the first two days of the retreat.
- Start of the retreat – she leads the regular meditation in another room at the same time while I’m leading the guided meditation, and we planned to meet up afterwards to reflect on the experience and practice hatha yoga together. Got to take care of our little human pets! So the first morning we did that. I remember we both did headstand right next to each other and we played with our feet touching in the air together. That was perhaps the first significant physical touch after the brief hand holding which was 3 weeks prior.
- The next day, same situation – meeting back to practice hatha together after meditation. Meanwhile, it was an intense guided meditation that I felt many people went very deep, myself included, and I was buzzing on a high afterward. We practiced hatha together, probably did some more playing in headstand together as well as doing balancing poses using each other to balance. Then at the end we did a deep relaxation and sat and meditated. After the meditation, I leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. She said thank you. 🙂
- Not over yet! Continuing the silent retreat, there was intense anxiety on my part. I felt such a strong attraction to this person but wasn’t sure how interested they were. I would practically drive myself crazy in my room thinking about this person and worrying over the future of our relationship. Amazing how silly the mind can be. Thankfully, armed with the wisdom of Jnana Yoga and a voice recorder, I was able to reflect aloud and witness the absurdity and Divine Comedy rather than identify with the physical forms. Amidst the great drama of seeking partnership, I was just the witness. Witnessing the great show! Realizing that I was more than the temporary human form brought a great relief and allowed me to laugh as the detached witness. It became obvious that the drama being experienced was nothing personal but was simply the natural consequence of having an ego.
Being free from attachment to the person and the idea of an individual relationship, the relationship followed naturally without much effort. Patiently waiting over the course of about 2 years, the two human pets finally engaged each other in more intimate ways.
As the relationship has continued to evolve since, the key affirmation that has healed and dissolved any fear that arises is, “I only wish the very best for you.” And, ultimately accepting that I don’t know what the very best is for me or for anyone else – so it is a big surrender and trust in God. Intending only the Highest Good for the other and for all is a totally pure intention, and in that purity is freedom and Truth. Wishing only the very best for the other, whether that means they stay with you or they go to far away lands, is totally liberating and aligned with the Truth of Divine Love and Peace. No attachments, no aversions. Judgments and opinions bind us – the Truth sets us free. Accepting that we, in and of ourselves, know nothing, is relaxing and liberating, so too is devoting our lives to God.
No matter what the outcome on the physical plane – the Dedicated ever enjoy Supreme Peace.
When we remember that Supreme Peace and Happiness is our goal, everything else that serves us realizing that goal follows naturally and effortlessly.
As long as we are sincere on our quest, and give up the illusion of projecting and attributing happiness to something outside of ourselves, we can remain happy always, and all things will come to us.
Perfecting the Relationship with God is the way to also perfect relationships with all beings, big and small – for God is present in all beings 🙂
Gloria in Excelsis Deo!