Entering into 30 Day Challenge!

Om Om Om!

May these words serve the Supreme.  Amen.

I find this human vessel in the great position of administering another month-long Integral Yoga teacher training.  Very exciting!  It is a huge opportunity to serve both intellectually and yet primarily by example.  The service we all render is primarily in our  quality of being, as much as our intellect and ego will try to convince us that what we do matters more.

Being > Doing.

That being said, what matters most to me as I approach this month-long training, and how would I like to serve and grow?

Matter-of-factly…there are a few decisions to be made on a daily basis that will radically effect the experience…and let me just list them on a binary basis

Yes or no to…

-> Attending the morning meditation

-> Attending morning hatha yoga class

-> Eating breakfast

-> Attending noon meditation

-> Attending 6pm meditation/sadhana

Listed above are the major decisions, and basically I’d like to go into the TT with a firm commitment to attending all of the above, except likely skipping breakfast.  Attending all the meditations will help keep me balanced and present in the training rather than feeling aloof.

I have been getting ‘hooked’ recently on superfood smoothies…basically  a banana with a bunch of powders blended up.   I’m thinking this may be my standard dinner option once the day is over…just drink a smoothie and relax!

Lunch will likely be whatever plain vegetable is offered and mung bean sprouts if available!

So now that food is determined…let’s just address sleep details briefly.

To attend morning meditation starting at 6 am, I’ll at least need to be up by 5:30, so that will be nice!  In past trainings, I’ve skipped the group meditation for a longer individual meditation…but I’m thinking here it will be better just to commit to being with the group for it all.  I think the shorter meditation will be counter-balanced with the positive perks of being in the group energy. Here’s hoping!

What really matters?

Relationship with the One, the All, that which is Eternal and Always Present!

How to enhance the relationship?

I generally do feel in a deep space in morning meditation and during the closing prayers…

For me, I think I need to embrace the spirit of service more, forgetting about “What’s in it for me?” and trusting always that all is provided.  I don’t need to be attached to anything, and there is nothing I absolutely must do on a daily basis.  The main ‘must’ in life is to focus on contributing to the whole, to serving the moment, to radiating love and peace – all of which is a matter of being, not doing.

So it is time to let go of my attachments to certain daily ‘doings’ and instead focus on present moment being!  I still hope to keep up my practice of spiritual study every day, but at the least I’m letting go of the need to do it first thing in the morning, and I will allow for it to be more of an evening activity before bed.

What does it mean to live with integrity?

To really be focused on serving the whole rather than just that which we perceive as our separate, individual self.  Or even to focus on serving the long-term good of the perceived separate, individual self is living with far greater integrity than to merely focus on a sensory indulgence in the present or a compulsion to satisfy every craving as it arises.  To be able to watch thoughts arise and asses them without acting upon every one of them as though it were gospel truth…that’s a great service.  A craving for cake may arise…but what really serves?  What is really worth thinking about and focusing on?  What can we peacefully dedicate our lives for?

What most often disturbs the sense of peace and how can the sense of peace be better protected and honored?

Well…the primary error is projecting happiness on things outside of ourselves.  To quote a great sage, Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, “Happiness dependent upon anything is utter misery.”  To fully admit, accept, and embrace the fact that the source of all joy and happiness is within – that’s the good life!

“Life sucks” when I project happiness on certain external conditions…thinking I can only enjoy life if I am with so-and-so, or if I am doing a certain thing, or if I have a certain amount of wealth.  Really, happiness does not come from any of those things.  Having access to money can make it easier to survive on a day-to-day basis, but it by no means guarantees happiness.

As Bob Proctor said, “All you will ever need for fulfillment in life – is awareness.”  The same goes for happiness!  The source of happiness is always within, and therefore it is always present.  Happiness, Peace, Joy…all are simply a matter of awareness.  Love is a choice.  Peace is a choice.  All the best is within grasp every moment.  Nothing external needs to change for an experience of the Supreme.  All the ‘doing’  that ever needs to be done is internal, and it is mostly just a matter of letting go.

One problem we face is thinking, “I am the doer.”  We think that we are what is thinking and doing and living and breathing, but really all of this happens by itself.  We are not really doing anything.  It is better to think of the human is a puppet in the hands of God.  See that God is pulling the strings.  Or, as Mother Teresa talks about, feel that you are a pencil in the hand of God.  Witness that Divinity flowing through the human vessel you commonly refer to as yourself.  Develop the capacity to watch, as though you are a member of the audience, rather than act, like you are front and center stage.

Watch and witness rather than act and do.  Focus on watching what is happening without thinking about it or adding mental commentary to it.  Just watch, like you are watching a movie. You don’t really know what is going to happen next, but you know the movie exists for your entertainment (you might even say education).  Embrace what you are watching now as the supremely perfect educational and entertaining piece of 3-D media you’ve ever experienced – and embrace that reality every moment!

One big matter of awareness for me at the moment is awakening the perfection of what is.  Reality moves from perfection to perfection, from completion to completion.  Living in this truth is pure joy and peace, yet I often forget about it outside of sitting meditation practice.

Anyway, the Beauty and Perfection is always there, and if we choose, we can tune our awareness to it.  How good is life when we are aware of the Beauty and/or Perfection of that which is before us?  That’s the good life!

Om Om Om

Thank you!

Gloria in Excelsis Deo!


Man Alone…Either Savage or Saint

Om Om Om!

May these words serve the Supreme.  Amen.

I just discovered that I may have been misquoting all these years saying something like, “When man is by himself he is either savage or saint.”  At least, it is hard to find him saying that on google, but who knows.  Aristotle has a saying with similar sentiments, ” Whosoever delighted in solitude is either a beast or a god.”   But anyway…let’s stick with the savage or saint language.

So then…what does it look like to be saintly by oneself?  And what does it look like to be savage?

Generally, I’d say external actions can be very similar, yet a savage would go about doing the same things in a rushed, hurried way, whereas a saint would be relaxed, patient, and infinitely enjoying the moment.

That seems like all we’ve got time for!   Savage or saint is in the attitude…

Om Om Om!

What Would I like to Experience More Of?


May these words serve the Supreme.  Amen.



Loving Acceptance.  Total Non-Judgment, beyond any critical thoughts – either positive or negative.

Wakeful Awareness to the Beauty and Perfection and Infinite Goodness of this Eternal Present.

A well-behaved, holy human pet, setting a good example, one that is universally replicable and applicable – steeped in virtue, in patience, in wakefulness to Divinity, to Love, and to Peace.

Timelessness. Just Being Totally with What Is.

Unity and Oneness.  Seeing the Self in All.

Deep Meditation, Contentedness, and Peace.

Divine Comedy and Play

Feeling energized and vivacious

A sense of being unconditionally safe and supported, one with the Infinite

A sense of being Love and Peace itself, beyond anything that can be pointed at.

Awareness that all is God.  Awareness that all the Power and Glory is God’s.

And some specifics…

Gratitude for the gift of water, for the gift of food, and prayerfulness before and during and after consuming such gifts, and enjoy the entire process!  Aware of the Divinity of such gifts…

A sense of total cleanliness, order, and organization with all things that I ever mistakingly call ‘mine’

…speaking of which…a sense that truly everything belongs to the Lord!

a carefree, non-desiring attitude toward all things food related, letting food come and go freely as it does without personally willing it or greedily consuming it.

Relaxed being. Beyond concern with things of the world.  Simply trusting in God, trusting in the Divine Present – the Eternal Present – being Loving in this holy instant, unconcerned with anything else.

So then…all these high and mighty desires, why are they not fulfilled?  What are some of the lower desires that seem to sabotage the realization of the higher ones?

The ego has desires to…

  • sneakily, greedily, and gluttonously indulge in food and sense pleasures!  Eek.
  • judge others and focus on the faults and shortcomings of others
  • focus on gaining things for itself while taking from others.
  • be intellectually right
  • already mentioned above but just to reiterate…desires to condemn, complain, and criticize others and the present moment – to judge it negatively, to label events, think about things as if the thoughts matter or as if the thoughts will change things…

Ok – enough being hard on the ego!  Poor thing, it is so innocent.  It is that which identifies with the body.  It identifies with something that is totally impermanent and subject to birth and death and pain and illness and misery and suffering…of course it is going to operate from fear and anger and hatred and jealousy!

When we identify with that which is eternal, then it becomes easier to love and to give and to serve.

Anyway – what’s the solution to supporting the triumph of the higher desires for the lesser ones?

A great motivating power!

Or, you might say, when the coal gets hot enough, you cannot help but drop it.

So, in many ways, the solution to finally living the way we ideally see ourselves living is to suffer enough living in all the less-than-ideal ways.  Suffering is a great teacher in this way.  Enough suffer leads us to better decisions, better habits, and better lives.

But there’s got to be some way to make the changes aside from just suffering!

Like, will I really only stop eating in a rushed way, eating standing up, eating greedily and mindless, if I feel that I am suffering enough from it?

Or…if the desire to eat in a relaxed way, prayerfully and mindfully becomes strong enough, then the lesser desires for mindless eating fall away.

How to build up the desire to eat mindfully?

List all the benefits!  Be clear on how greatly enhanced your life will become if you eat every meal mindfully.  Ok…let’s see.

  1. In the moment, the food will be enjoyed more.
  2. It will be digested better.
  3. Healthier food options will be made, resulting in a healthier body.
  4. The mind and consciousness will generally be more grateful and clear and awake to the unity and oneness of all (via mindfulness practice)
  5. Less excessive burping and gas!
  6. Will be setting a much better example – one worthy of emulation!
  7. Will be awake to the presence of Divinity.
  8. Life will be more love-based.
  9. Will generally be more grateful, more playful, more awake.
  10. Through daily practice, it will provide an avenue for sharing such teachings with people, possibly even giving talks and leading workshops based around the practice of mindful eating and mindful being.


So, just out of curiosity…what are the benefits that have been driving this ego to dominate and consume food mindlessly?  To help the understanding, let’s describe the mindless eating as without prayer, standing up, in a rushed way, very minimal consciousness that eating is even happening – but more of just an awareness that the senses are being stimulated and food is being gobbled…(i.e. no sense of a “meal” happening but more like gluttonous indulgence! Hehe I love being hard on myself ;-))

So the benefits of such lower-self behavior, at least the benefits to the ego include:

  1. Perpetuates a sense of fear and lack in the world.  There are not enough resources to eat in the company of others, and others do not trust me enough or care to provide for me enough, so I have to fend for myself and eat secretly in a hurried and rushed way.  There is not enough time to relax and sit down and have a meal because I am too busy and life is too short and it isn’t worth my time and consciousness to pray.  (Note: this is basically an attempt to understand the subconscious mechanisms of the ego…these thoughts didn’t necessarily occur in the moment…but I’m just taking some guesses here and sharing some potential ego-stories…note how the ego loves to play victim!)
  2. Basically the ego is juicing fear and lack and the need to provide for itself and me vs. the world mentality.  Juicing victimhood…
  3. Another approach…sense indulgence.  But even the sense indulgence comes with the spin of victimhood (at least in this case, as far as I could honestly say).  So the story is like, “I’m enjoying all these flavors, yum yum yum, I’ll eat these quickly and be done with it for the night and then can focus on other things.”  “I wouldn’t be able to eat this way if people were here, but I’m free and can just ‘enjoy’ without being judged or without having to set a good example.’

Okay…thinking of these potential ego stories and excuses is not the most pleasant.  You can probably tell just by reading those ego excuses that the ego has some serious issues!  Dr. Hawkins says the ego’s game is all about subjective pleasure and gain.  The ego is all about, “What’s in it for me?” and it also loves to play the role of victim and loves to condemn and basically do whatever it can to perpetuate a sense of selfishness.  It also seems like secretly the ego loves to deny God…at least that’s one way to interpret the clear lack of prayer and gratitude during the mindless eating.  The ego doesn’t want to give up its power to God, and maybe it wants to believe that it is God and perpetuates that delusion by exercising minimal power of the material world by moving objects and eating, etc.  How little the ego can really do compared to God 😉


So then…for my own sake I’m going to take a minute to read back over the motivating reasons to engage in mindful eating.  To make changes, it helps to have the intellect on board with an abundance of good reasons.  Writing out the ego’s reasons also shows how pathetic it can really be…poor little thing!  The intellect has higher and more noble reasons for doing things…and some of the ‘reasons’ that stem from the intellect might also be stemming from the heart and beyond…but that’s another topic!

On a side note, I think the motivating factor behind writing this blog post is that….as sad as it might be to say…

the heart pains have returned today!

Not too surprised about it, given the mindless eating of the day, the rushing back and forth, some anxiety over job and life situations, and lack of gratitude during all eating activities of the day (I cannot even call them meals…they were that unconscious…lol 😦  ! )

So then, a very good reason to embrace more of a mindful approach to eating, just for general health!  And returning to the intermittent fasting seems important…and more fruits and vegetables – less fats.  And less anything processed.  Let’s see…today consumed a decent amount of ghee, bananas, a chocolate bar with cane sugar (ah!), chocolate covered almonds (almost definitely with cane sugar too!), homemade chocolate with coconut sugar (eh!), vitamins and minerals, dried fruits, and then the turn for the worse when I busted out some cashews, some butter and even cashew butter!  So maybe there was a sense of feeling deprived which led to some indulgence…ayyy these fast days at the ashram can really mess with someone mentally / emotionally and physically!  No excuses though…

Even did an enema first thing this morning (before any food), but that doesn’t seem to have positively affected the quality of the present moment – at health-wise, given experiences of excess burping and these random stabbing heart pains.


There is something nice about being able to share openly on here, although in the above few paragraphs it does seem like I’m being pretty hard on myself, and a reader might be concerned about the heart pains – rest assured though I have spoken with a doctor who recommended a change in diet would heal the situation, and it has previously, yet when I  don’t practice the dietary recommendations, the pain returns – so all the more reason to be disciplined and honor the doctor’s wisdom!

Over the past couple weeks, I’ve found myself saying things such as “Life is good,” to “Life is tough,” to just “Life is life!”  It really varies.

Some things in my life feel very stable, yet some things are definitely in flux.  Really, how I live day to day and the services I provide on a daily basis seem to vary a significant amount, yet my spiritual practices are relatively consistent.  So, thankfully, I have about 1-2 hours every day of spiritual practice – at the start and the end of the day – that are consistent.  What happens during the day might seem chaotic at times, but at least the start and end of the day are peaceful and centered in Love.  What comes in between…anybody knows!

What really matters?

Love and Peace!

I must say…even those these random stabbing heart pains have been affirmed by the doctor as nothing too serious and healed by a simple few changes in food consumption – when I do experience them it wakes up to the possibility of death of the human body, and it does stir mild concerns.  So, for one I definitely have not totally transcended identification with the body / fear…and when they happen I take it as a clear sign that the health is not optimal and that the longevity of this vessel is not guaranteed and it does lead me to call into question the viability of this human as a lifelong partner for another, i.e. marriage.  Part of me feels like it is not appropriate to pursue marriage with a health condition, even though the doctor doesn’t suggest that it is serious and I’m probably just playing up the drama in my head….maybe it is just my excuse to not pursue the marriage path.  Then again, the fix to the health concern seems simple enough, and to not take the appropriate action to healing it is self-sabotage and lack of consciousness and mindfulness…so who would want to be with such a human pet anyway!  I hold myself to a pretty high standard, and am not pleased with more or less savage behavior.

So..what’s the point?  Maybe this is just ego ranting…but some part of me felt there were grains of truth in the above paragraph and were important to write down…just so the internal processing can be transparent and known…

It would also probably be healthy for me not to check cryptocurrency prices every day 🙂

Looking forward to a much needed Sabbath on Saturday…a day to just relax and be!  Hooray.

The world of gain and pleasure…poor little egos get so seduced by the drama of the world.  Some day you’ll be free…all will awaken to the liberation at hand!

In the meantime, thank you.


Gloria in Excelsis Deo!

30 Day Challenge Complete: Intermittent Fasting


May these words serve the Highest Good of All. Amen.

In the midst of having what seemed like a serious health problem – random sharp pains in the heart – I took to transforming my habits and lifestyle in many ways.  Here is a list of some of the lifestyle changes I can remember making over the past two months in an effort heal the heart pains:

  • reduced cashew intake to basically 0
  • reduced honey and refined sugar  intake to basically 0. Instead using coconut sugar.
  • started taking multi-vitamin and minerals every day.
  • started once-weekly enemas
  • reduced grain and legume intake to close to 0. Instead consuming many more fruits and vegetables.
  • started eating only from the hours of 12pm to 8 pm. Intermittent Fasting!

I think those about sum up the dietary changes…then additional lifestyle changes…

  • Essentially ‘quit’ part-time job that was an extra 10-15 hours of service per week that ultimately I think was adding stress.
  • Began the process of finding a full-time replacement for my role as an overnight caretaker for an elderly woman and now planning to move in with my partner at the end of April
  • Began doing physical strength training 5-6 days a week – which I did for probably 1-2 months – although in the past 2 weeks there has not been any of this but a good amount of walking.
  • Began jogging and running more – still though minimally – maybe max 1/2 mile per day – but still fun and challenging!  Probably walking somewhere between 1.5 – 3 miles per day (back and forth from ashram – not much walking in nature…yet!)
  • Began setting my watch to vibrate every 15 minutes, serving as a reminder for me to take a deep breath, think of infinite love and peace, repeat a mantra, bless myself, smile, remember that all the Power and Glory is God’s, and maybe do a mini-dance and even laugh.  I’ve done practices like this before for 30 day challenges and every time I seem to greatly benefit from it.  Helps me stay connected with what really matters vs. what is transitory and impermanent.
  • I increased the amount of breathing practices I did on a daily basis, although this has since decreased and returned to the regular amount that I do.

Given all these lifestyle and dietary, sure enough it has all amounted to a healing of the heart pain, at least for this present moment!

There was a period of perhaps a month when I would experience a sharp pain in the heart area almost every day, and then as I did more breathing and physical exercise and cleaned up the diet, it went away to where I would maybe experience it 2-3 times per week, and over the last couple weeks I’ve maybe experienced it once, but to a much lesser degree – so I’d say the healing has been a great success.

I did notice that when I would feel the sharp stabbing heart pain, usually my internal consciousness was not in the greatest space, like I was either judging someone or being critical of myself, etc.

Primarily, I’d attribute the healing to letting go of the part-time job and offering that has an opportunity to someone to earn income.  I was attached to the job perhaps out of fear and greed, and so it was a great breakthrough for me to be able to let it go and open it up for someone else.

Additionally, I’d say taking the deep breathes and smiles and remembering God every 15 minutes has certainly helped the healing.

Lastly, the intermittent fasting – only eating within a 8 hour window each day – greatly helped me gain a sense of mastery over my ego appetites / cravings and to feel more in control of the tongue and the body.  I was doing it from 12 pm – 8 pm, but towards the end of the challenge it became more natural to do it from 12:30 to about 7:00.  Although, I will admit, the first 2-3 weeks of the challenge were difficult and there were many times (as document on this blog elsewhere) that I would scarf down food right at noon because I felt so hungry.  Now, however, I find the human pet well adjusted and it is not so difficult to wait until noon to eat.  Nonetheless, I would like to shift the practice so that the window is from 8am – 3 pm or something like.  I think having the window in the morning would lead to better sleep and also better meditation in the evenings.  I ate that way once before for a few months while living in NYC and had my greatest meditative experience during that period of time…so I think it is worth returning to for that reason alone!

So then – these 30 day challenges are a great way to grow!

For the month of April, I’m working on PPP – praising my partner in public (and private). The two of us seem to have developed overly critical eyes of each other, so we are making a conscious effort to be much more affirming of the other, especially when in public!  And also this month, will be looking to shift the eating window to the morning / afternoon rather than afternoon/evening…Hallelujah!



Gloria in Excelsis Deo!


The Healing Journey


May these words serve the Highest Good of All.  Amen.

Over the past few days, I consciously was aware that I wasn’t writing on here as much as I thought I would be, and in particular, that I wasn’t necessarily holding up to my word when I mentioned in a post that I planned to write on here every day, using this medium as a spiritual journal to reflect on each day.   That hasn’t been happening recently!  Why?

If we think of the goal of life as Supreme Peace which equals and state of Perfect Health (Body, Mind, Spirit) and Unconditional, Universal Lovingness, then we can think of our journey to reaching that state of being as a healing journey.  When we consciously aspire to reach that goal and take steps toward it, we are taking actions which we believe will facilitate the healing process.  And this healing is not just healing our stubbed toes or our cancer or our abdominal or back pain, but it is a holistic healing of every fiber of our being – such that we consider anything less than perfectly loving as not perfectly healed.  So really, healing is just another word for growing in Love and consciousness and awareness of Love and Peace – it hardly has anything to do with the physical body.

Healing is just loving more and more, and realizing a state of greater and greater peace.  This is the healing journey – the spiritual journey!

So then, consciously on the healing path, the spiritual path – means that we would be taking actions that increase that sense of Lovingness and Peace.

What healing steps do I need most in my life, right now?  Sometimes this medium fills many of my needs.  It offers connection with the global community and friends, it offers creative expression, it offers an outlet to reflect on the day and on life, and it offers the opportunity to serve those who read it and to serve my own consciousness by facilitating greater clarity and understanding.  Often times, this medium is like a win / win / win / win / win – everybody wins!  It is hard to think that I would choose to spend my time in other ways when it is clear how valuable this can be.

Yet, the 3-dimensional playing field of life offers a whole variety of experiences.  As beneficial as this, everything else can be equally beneficial and healing.

One thing I’ve noticed is how valuable variety is to the life journey.  We don’t necessarily want to live the same day over and over again.  Variety is the spice of life!  It is fun and increases our alertness and awareness in the moment – when we are present in new events or activities.  The good news is, variety is accessible every moment, just as is Peace and profound Love.  Variety can look like simply slowing down and taking time to appreciate what is before you – the practice of mindfulness.  Watching the breath, listening to the breath, looking at the fingertips, hugging a tree, giving thanks for what is.  Conscious moments are really what variety is about. When we live the same day over and over again, we can begin to take things for granted, we lose our sense of gratitude and consciousness.

Consider that feeling thankful and grateful for what is means that you are more conscious than if you aren’t feeling grateful and/or taking things for granted.  More consciousness means more healing, more love, and more peace, so more consciousness is the goal!  Gratitude is a great path to progress in the direction of the goal.

One practice recently I’ve been enjoying is honoring the Sabbath by unplugging from the electric world for one day per week.  This isn’t always possible, but when it is easy enough to do, I’ve been doing it.  Over the course of those days, I find myself saying things I’ve never said before, moving in ways I’ve never moved before, laughing and singing new melodies and having all kinds of fun just with me, myself, and I. And with Reality as a whole!  It is great every now and then to take a break from the digital world and play abundantly in all three dimensions.  Honoring the Sabbath is a perfect opportunity to reconnect with the great gifts we have all been given freely at birth.

Meditation is another practice that might look like the same thing over and over again each day, but really it is an avenue for variety and spice in life.  Every sit is different, and it can become quite enjoyable.

Okay then, so this post is advocating for honoring the Sabbath, the daily practice of meditation, and gratitude!  What else?

Healing, loving, and feeling Peace.

Infinite Love and Peace!