Overcoming Suffering from Relationships


In service to the Highest Good – Amen!

I dedicate and devote this all to Thee, Oh Lord. Amen.

Having recently closed a relationship which reached the point of Engagement and a clear idea of spending a lifetime together, and continuing to see that person (as we both lived in a relatively small spiritual community) – I’ve certainly felt a fair amount of suffering throughout the process.

What are the misconceptions / false beliefs that perpetuate the suffering?

  • the belief that I need to be in a committed relationship with someone else to be happy (and generally the idea that happiness is outside of myself)
    • thereby experiencing a sense of lack / incompleteness
  • the belief that I am separate from others (and that I am a physical body/mind and therefore need to struggle for survival, compete, etc.)

What are the remedies to the suffering?  What beliefs could heal the suffering?

  • the belief that God provides perfectly every moment – exactly what is best for me and what is best for All.
  • Radical humility.  “All I know is that…I don’t know.”  Divine stupidity is a great gift.  If one really embraces not knowing anything, then the whole thought process can relax, include the thoughts that perpetuate drama and suffering, separateness and selfishness and pettiness, etc.  This can also look like complete faith – God knows, I don’t know.  God is doing everything, I’m not doing anything.  Letting go…
  • Oneness and Allness!  I am one with everyone and everything, and yet also beyond all of it.  The world is like a dream and I am the Dreamer – the eternal witness to the great cosmic show.  Any belief that expands identity to being more than just a temporary, physical, body/mind complex will greatly serve to reduce suffering.  Pretty much all the problems are really the body’s problems – like this problem of relationship is ‘me’ identifying with the body thinking the body needs to be in a relationship.


What it comes down to is faith.  Faith, faith, faith.  Faith is something greater than an impermanent human body/mind complex.  Believe in a Power beyond the human and that cares for all humans and all needs and trust in that.  Remain open to its Presence every moment.

True confessions – ‘i’ am writing this as part of a process of healing – as i have been feeling identified with the body and therefore suffering!

Now that I think about it…

Vanity can be a big problem with perpetuating body/mind identification.  Overdoing physical exercise or excessively looking in the mirror and critiquing the human can be a dangerous game and certainly lead to pride, identification with the human, small self-centeredness, petty thinking, and of course – suffering!

As I heard someone speak about faith last name, he emphasized a motto, “Think of others.”  Thinking of others and focusing on serving others is really a great relief.  Thinking of ourselves as this human is a setup for suffering.  At least, if we do think of ourselves as the human, we can think of ourselves as a servant to the All, rather than a selfish cell out to seek gain and pleasure for itself at the expense of others.

Ahh yes, the great saying, “The dedicated ever enjoy Supreme Peace – therefore, live only to serve.”

The solution to so much suffering is just service!  Live to serve and Supreme Peace is close by.  Live to satisfy petty, selfish desires and suffering is surely yours 😉

And, if all this sounds complicated – forget it!

Keep it simple.

Counting blessings is pretty much always a good option.  We can always choose to focus on something to be grateful for and appreciate.

Appreciate what is before you.  It doesn’t even have to feel sincere. Just fake it. “I appreciate this keyboard. I appreciate the screen.  I appreciate this pen. I am grateful for this chair. I am grateful for electricity. I am grateful for the English language.” And so it goes…on and on…why not?  It is better than cultivating thoughts of regret and fear and loss and worry and anxiety 🙂

In times of feeling resentful or feeling like a victim…remember the calling of Jesus:

Love your enemies.  Bless those who curse you.

Why does he say that? Because that’s spiritual life!  Everything is created by God – the sun shines equally on us all.  Spiritual life is about cultivating positive feelings and goodwill toward all – to be free from ill will toward anyone or anything.  Wish everyone and everything only the best.  Condemning and judging people and criticizing is really not worth it.  Don’t squander your energy by focusing on people’s negative qualities.  Focus on the positive.  Look for the good and see the good.  Tune in to the Divine Presence in everyone and everything.  Or, tune in to the great potential of all beings.  Or, tune in to the innocence of us all, and acknowledge that we are all doing the best we can.  Have compassion for people’s suffering, and have compassion for any negativity you might perceive – people are just doing the best they can, and if they knew better they would do better.

Unconditionally and universally loving everyone and everything is not necessarily an easy task, but it is well worth it – for is life not more enjoyable when we are around people we love?  So imagine loving all people and things – then no matter where you are you are surrounded by people and things that you love!  Sounds like a good life to me.

Love, Love, Love.  Have fun.  Enjoy the moment. Don’t get caught!  Mental drama can go on forever – instead just focus on the positive.  Train the mind!  Keep good company.  Dedicate your life to serving the Highest Good and to Love and to Peace- and as often as necessary – re-dedicate each moment to that Pure Intention.  Blessed are the Pure in Heart, for they shall see God.  Continuously offer everything up for the Highest Good.  Be free from selfishness and pettiness.  Just live to serve.  Serve each moment by being with a sincere and pure heart.

Peace, Peace, Peace.

Thank you!

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